Tuesday, July 29, 2014

Lessons Learned in Dating: On Insecurities

Tonight, while I was on a date, I had some insight to dating and the dating process that I've seem to have never thought about in my life.

Just a quick disclaimer: I'm not a dating expert. In fact, I'm far from it. So these are just my thoughts based on experience from tonight.

The story: I went on a date with a guy tonight. During the date, we were asking each other questions...pretty typical for the first couple dates. Well, as I asked him a question. He paused for a moment and said, "this is something I am insecure about, but I'll share it anyway." He then shared a dating insecurity with me that he has.
Rewind to a few days ago: same guy and I were talking and he shared that he feels like part of finding the one we should marry comes from feeling secure in our insecurities when you are around that person. Brilliant, right?!

My insight from tonight: as I got home and reflected about tonight's date, like I always do when I get home, this thought popped into my head: Successful dating comes from understanding that we all have unique insecurities. Just like my date shared an insecurity with me this evening, I have my own insecurities as well. However, being a successful dater comes when we realize that each person has their own things they worry and stress over. Those things play a role in the dating process and relationship process. As we are able to understand one another's insecurities, we will have a greater empathy and understanding of that person.

I feel like in dating, there is a great focus on "what can I get from this?" And often times because of insecurities, and that self focus, we get frustrated during the dating process. The success comes in recognizing that there are insecurities from both people involved. As a result of recognizing, the focus should be "what can I give to help both of us overcome our insecurities?"

As was mentioned in the disclaimer, I'm not a dating expert. This was just some insight I had tonight that I felt was worth sharing.

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